General Category > Development Discussion

A new *short* VN from me, possibly...

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lordcloudx:
I'm planning to turn this particular story into a VN when I have the time. This'll be a small side-project of mine for the holidays. The story can be read here: http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2816784/1/The_Blackbird

I'd like some feedback on it if anyone would care to read. I'm looking for feedback on plot structure in general. Don't worry about grammar and punctuation. I'll find someone to fix that if this plan pulls through.

(note: not sure if this actually belongs in the recruitment thread just yet or not. Personal opinion: not quite. To my co-admins, feel free to move this thread if it seems inappropriate.)

Wright:

--- Quote from: lordcloudx on December 22, 2011, 03:15:51 PM ---Don't worry about grammar and punctuation. I'll find someone to fix that if this plan pulls through.

--- End quote ---
Good to know that you are working on a new project.
So, I would like to offer you my services. If you want, I can proofread your script. But it'll take one or two days.

lordcloudx:
@wright1000: no thanks. I have someone else in mind for that. Though, I'm not sure if he'll have some free time. Anywayz, precision of language isn't really an issue for me as much as getting comments on the actual story.

Wright:
All right, then.
I hope he gets time to proofread your project.
I'll be looking forward for this VN to be released.

mikey:
I would probably dwell more on the implications of the writing on the plane a bit longer, but that's me I guess. As for the first part, I don't know if this was the aim, but the information about the other boys, their personalities and the routines / games all three played I think served more to invoke the melancholy of the childhood times - in fact I would say that it was more of a memory of a childhood summer than the philosophical / psychological point that came across.

That said, I also had one story that I once destroyed (back then, things were written on paper), and then tried to recapture its spirit by rewriting it. More than anything plot-related I wanted to recapture the atmosphere - sort of an attempt to build again what I felt I lost by destroying the manuscript. So the postscript reminded me of all this - it was my first large text and I derived a lot of inspiration from it in the future. Perhaps even because it was gone and I could not see it again - one then makes it into a symbol of the times when there was no audience to write for, even though with more recent works I was able to shake the doubts that I have changed for the worse, as a writer, and things aren't as pure as they once have been. But that's a different discussion I guess.

One technical detail: it seems to be a long text to overlook especially since I would examine the plane very carefully if I ever got my hands on it - Perhaps it the message could be hidden somehow (like a piece of paper inside the plane's secret compartment (the YF-12A version had, I believe a missile bay).

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